Being a pastor's daughter in school was not the easiest. I was in a high school that when I arrived I was a sophmore so I wasn't raised with my classmates I was the new girl. Looked at different because I had long hair, no make-up, always wore skirts, didn't go to school dances, or even to out to the movies with friends. I was always the good girl but when I decided to try something new I couldn't believe how it took my life into another direction that took me on a ride of a lifetime. I went to a pre-prom party, wasn't able to go to prom so I went to a bar-b-que with a friend. There at that party changed my life. Being with the beautiful people and wanting to fit in and not being labeled the church girl was the only thing on my mind. A friend had offered me a Heineken beer, everyone was looking at me I took the beer. My first drink wasn't the best it tasted gross, but I kept the bottle with me just to make it look like I was drinking. It took me three hours to drink that one beer. I then was given another, that one took me about one hour. The next one 30 minutes and then I was finishing one with in 5 to 10 minutes. I had a buzz going on and it felt like there were no worries in the world. I felt free and that I fit in with other classmates.
The next weekend there was another bar-b-que. I seemed to fit in with the crowd and they liked me. This time drinking seemed to be easier because if I drank the first one fast it would kill the taste for the others. This started to be a routine for me. Every weekend there would be a party somewhere and I would be invited or I would find it just to have friends that accepted me. I was amazed on how much response I received from people because I drank and I was a happy drunk. I was going to church on Sunday not really into it, but my dad was the pastor had to put on a show at least that what I thought. I got my first job and I made sure I got a job where I had to wear pants. I remember the first time I bought a pair of jeans the acid wash ones. lol. I picked the first pair of jeans off the rack and went into the dressing room. It fit like a glove so excited brought them home because they were my work pants. I worked at Toys R' Us where I climbed ladder and had to wear pants. I would come home from work and just sit my dad would tell me go change and put on a skirt everyday I would hear him say this. I wouldn't do it until he told me too. I made sure I was put on the schedule for Sundays then I didn't have to go to church. I was born and raised in church so that's all I knew but when the world gives you a taste of something you never if your weak you won't stop. I was weak.
I partied all the time, stopped going to church and just partied. My drink was beer then every weekend and sometimes during the week days. Drinking wasn't the reason but it gave me a better reason to go because I could do whatever I wanted anytime I wanted too. I was going to fit in I would have two roommates and be on my own. I didn't have to answer to anyone or feel guilty of not going to church on Sunday. I could hear my parents getting dressed for church but i would be to hung over in my room to get up. I went sometimes but I knew the other youth could smell the alcohol coming through the pores but they never said anything to me. I had to make a decision of what I was going to do I felt bad for my parents or was it just guilt but I felt something. I needed to do something about it. But what?
